Ten years spent chasing a mirage. A feeling of restless unease. "This shouldn't be happening." A desire to go back to sleep and wake up from this nightmare. But no matter how many times you try, the dream doesn't change.
A strange sense of detachment from reality. As if you're watching someone else's life unravel. You find yourself walking around like a zombie, unable to feel or think properly. Every task feels like an insurmountable challenge. Your mind wanders off into random thoughts and memories, none of which make any sense.
You get hyper-aware of every little thing around you. The sound of leaves rustling outside your window sounds like a freight train passing by. The smell of coffee brewing makes you nauseous. Every single noise seems amplified tenfold, and it's impossible to focus on anything. In your free time you spend hours staring at the ceiling, trying to block out the overwhelming sensory input.
You question your own sanity. Are these really your thoughts? Is something else controlling them? You begin to notice patterns in everything - the way people walk, the shapes of clouds, the placement of objects. It's as if the universe is trying to communicate with you, but you don't understand the language. Perhaps you've gone crazy and are trapped inside your own delusions. Or maybe this is purgatory and you'll be stuck in limbo forever.
You become convinced that the world isn't real.
A creeping dread starts to settle in as the days go by. Will they really never come back? Is this really it? The thought makes something in your chest twist and wrench. You find yourself checking your phone constantly, just in case.
You're plagued by random memories of times shared together. Walking hand-in-hand, laughing at a private joke, seeing and being seen. You long for them desperately, but at the same time, they fill you with an aching, crushing emptiness. You wonder why life has to be so cruel as to show you these moments after you've lost them forever.
You become obsessed with the idea of running into them somewhere. The grocery store, the library, the park. Everywhere you go, you're scanning faces, looking for that one familiar set of eyes. Strangers. It's always strangers.
The more you think about them, the more distant they become. Like a sandcastle washed away by the tide, there's nothing left but a few faint traces to prove they were ever there.
They are gone, and they are never coming back. Forever out of reach. No matter how much you wish it were different, no matter how many tears you cry or promises you make - they're gone, and they're not coming back. There is no happily ever after waiting around the corner. This is your reality now.
You realize just how much of your own feelings have been invested into this person, and now those feelings are forever lost.
This sentence goes hard.