The slab of asphalt enters the bar, and today is it's birthday.
The bartender and the regulars have grown fond of the asphalt, so they decide to throw it a surprise party.
They hang decorations, bake a cake, and even get a band to play.
When the asphalt arrives, everyone yells, "Surprise!"
The asphalt is touched by the gesture, and as they cut the cake, it says, "You know, I may be tough and durable, but you guys have really shown me that even a slab of asphalt can have friends and a good time!"
Nothing gruesome or unexpected happens.