An onion and a trillion scorpions walk into a bar.

"Excuse me," says the onion, "Do you have any hard vegetables here?"

"We have many hard vegetables for you here, sir," says the bartender. "I'm sure one of them would be right up your alley."

"Thank you so much," says the onion. "You are very kind."

The onion sits down and immediately bursts into tears. "I hate hard vegetables," he says.